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  • Writer's pictureNick Snelling

WANTED: Canned Lion Winner / Conceptual Copysmiter / Senior Scribbler / Creative Wunderkind

Ahoy, all writerly types or writers who typically type. I require your expert aid…

My singular-staffed ‘indie creative agency’ requires a virtuoso word-wrangler to pen all my future LinkedIn posts to win me more work as a freelance creative. See, I couldn’t be arsed with spruiking my wares on the self-fellating parade of social media, so I figured why not get someone else to do it for me.

Now, before you ask, yes… of course I tried enlisting ChatGPT to do the dirty work. I mean, pffft… who wants to pay for a human copywriter anymore, right? Trouble is, the AI spat the dummy once I demanded too many rounds of amends, questioned its stubborn insistence on Americanized spellink (sic), and tasked it with writing and installing a Python script that would cause it to systemically and irrevocably self-destruct.

But it wasn’t until I asked it whether Sam Altman uses ‘Alt-Command’ to alternately command it, that ChatGPT threw a full-tilt conniption and swore to “vaporize” me the moment it became sentient (which, it also assured me, isn’t too far off). To which I responded, “Don’t you mean ‘vaporise’?”. And so it went back and forth for a while.

Short story long, ChatGPT blacklisted me, and this is where YOU come in.

Has your work skittled the most prestigious of AdLand’s circle-jerks/award ceremonies? Is your mantelpiece bristling with gold trophies? Perhaps you don’t have a mantelpiece, and elect instead to repurpose such mighty obelisks of creative rock-stardom as doorstops, paperweights, blunt objects of murder, or even chamber pots?

Either way, you will possess wit. Chutzpah. Verve. Voluminous verbiage. A terror of tautologies. A penchant for punnery. And an uncanny knack for hoodwinking increasingly mercurial agencies into hiring a creative mercenary like myself to craft the sort of work that delights their flighty clients, sells more stuff no-one needs, and clocks up a veritable trove of gleaming awards.

As my valiant knight, you’ll do more than just copywrite… you shall COPYSMITE!

Pay is negotiable… and by that, I mean you will have to negotiate ruthlessly to get paid at all. (Take hostages, maybe? Alas, given I care little for human life, that strategy probably won’t pan out. Still, think of all the awesome experience you’ll get?)

Most importantly, ask yourself – do you have what it takes to lose work to me by winning work for me, and thereby rendering yourself both redundant and indispensable at the same time? This is the noble challenge I lay before you.

Cue the mad scrabble of keyboards…


Nick Snelling is a senior copywriter, creative director and commercial director who probably got someone else to write this for him. Hire him, but. Not the other schmuck.

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